If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
