I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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