I just cut my nipple shaving
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
