What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
