Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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