Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
