Rock
Scissors
Fuck
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
