You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
