Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
