why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
