I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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