I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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