Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
