I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
