Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
