Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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