uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Congratulations! We have a period
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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