i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
