no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How naked do you want me to be?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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