Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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