his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
