i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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