it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
