He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
