I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
