this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
