A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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