Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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