is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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