May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
