Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
