so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
