the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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