Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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