ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
