Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
