1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
