He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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