He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
