I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
