i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I can text with my tongue
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
