The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
