looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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