PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
