Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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