Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
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