Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
