Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
