I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
