There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
