can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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