Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
